Submission Unto the Lord

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord."  Ephesians 5:22

The word submission means “to put in subjection under.”  The command is given by the Lord to the wife and not by the husband to the wife.  She is to place herself in subjection under her husband’s headship, neither because he says so nor because he has earned it, but because the Lord has commanded it.  This is made clearer by the fact that a woman is to submit herself to her own husband and not to any other man.  She is to do this “as to the Lord” and you could compare this with those who visit, feed, and clothe the poor with Jesus’ teaching, “inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me” (Matt 25:40).  When she renders godly, Spirit-filled submission to her husband, she is doing it unto her heavenly Father.

Your Marriage: Which Eschatology?

Many argue that our eschatological choices don’t make that much difference.  But I would argue that they are imbedded in the story of The Marriage and therefore imbedded in our own marriage relationships as well.  There are three main eschatological positions:  pessimistic, agnostic, and optimistic.  The pessimist says that Scriptures teach us that the Marriage fails and the bride falls into apostasy.  The agnostic believes the Scriptures are silent, or that there is only a picture of constant struggle between faithfulness and unfaithfulness and no promise of real maturity or victory.  The optimist teaches that the Scriptures declare that The Marriage will result in growing fruitful victory, dominion, and glory.

Which eschatological view describes your view of The Marriage?  Which eschatological view defines your  marriage?

Chronic Anxiety and Books on Marriage

"It is remarkable how the explosion of books in recent years about management resembles the similar explosion that occurred in the 1960s regarding premarital counseling.  As society became anxious about the rising divorce rate and everyone talked about the demise of the family, the number of books being written for the clergy in this country on premarital counseling seemed to be exceeding the number of people getting married." - Friedman, A Failure of Nerve, p113.

Books and blogs and chronic anxiety.  I am reminded of Solomon:  "Of making many books there is no end, and much study is wearisome to the flesh."  There really is a way to study an issue that in the end is only wearisome.  This happens when one is attempting to solve a problem out of anxiety and not from a position in faith - faith in a sovereign and good God.  This occurs constantly in men (and I observe it far more in women) who constantly search the Internet for the latest studies on any issue that is causing them such anxiety.

"Be anxious for nothing..." Paul commands.  If we obey this first and receive the peace of God to guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus (see all of Philippians 4:6-7), then it might be OK, after that, to do a little research.

It Only Takes One to Change

"Contrary to popular thinking, it does not require two people working on a marriage to change it.  Rarely are both partners equally motivated.  But changing a marriage fundamentally does require that someone function as a leader in the sense in which I have been using that term.  Where one partner can be taught to regulate his or her own reactivity, the other will often begin to imitate that behavior, and adaptation can ultimately be reversed.  But for this shift to occur a critical point of departure must be reached:  the more motivated partner must also be able to stop shifting blame to the other and to look more at his or her own input.  This does not mean that they should look more at their own faults, but rather at how they have been compounding the situation." - Friedman, A Failure of Nerve, p81.

Husbands, Go Ahead

Plenty of great stuff in Piper's This Momentary Marriage - just one quote here I sent on to a friend...

“So, husbands, your headship means:  Go ahead.  Take the lead.  It does not matter if it is her fault.  That didn’t stop Christ.  Who will break the icy silence first?  Who will choke out the words, “I’m sorry, I want it to be better”?  Or “Can we talk?  I’d like things to be better.”  She might beat you to it.  Sometimes that’s okay.  But woe to you if you think that since it’s her fault, she’s obliged to say the first reconciling word.  Headship is not easy.  It is the hardest, most humbling work in the world.  Protect your family.  Strive, as much as it lies within you, to make peace before the sun goes down.” – Piper, This Momentary Marriage, p91

Marks of a Mature Marriage You Might Not Expect

There is a mark of maturity in faithful marriages that runs counter-intuitive to what we might think.  When a husband and a wife are enjoying the fruit of a strong marriage, those looking from outside might be impressed at how much he loves her and how much she respects him, which of course, is the mark of obedience unto the Lord and required of husbands and wives regardless of the state of the marriage.

But in a marriage where both parties are bent, bowed down and full of glad submission to their Lord and Savior, overwhelmed by His grace and goodness to them, they tend to notice less and less how much they are respecting or loving, sacrificing for the other – these things are flowing out of them as a by-product of their glad submission and not according to whether or not their spouse has earned such love or respect.

In fact, in such marriages, ask the man and he will tell you how incredible it is that his wife ever respects him – because he knows how much he does not qualify for such respect – and he knows that his wife knows better than anyone.  Ask that wife and she will tell you she is amazed that her husband ever loves her or that he loves her so much – it makes little sense to her – for she knows that she does not qualify for such love – and she knows that her husband knows better than anyone.

And the Gospel of grace goes forth – and the mystery of marriage is revealed – and the two grow in the mercy and grace they receive from their Savior along with the means of that grace so often manifested to them from their spouse who is overflowing with the grace and mercy he or she is basking in because of the love of God through Jesus Christ.